hi,
i read an experience from may's issue of indigo. its so good that i cannot help copying some paras and sharing with you.
its about a japanese lady who was married to a husband who is a marijuana smoker and was abusive. she got divorced after two years. the following is one of the paras that touched me deeply:
Was her karma finished?
"No, Life isnt that simple. i kept getting into the same kinds of relationships to the point where i felt there was something wrong with me, that i was not capable of being in a relationship. I always rushed in. I was so hungry for love, but i felt unlovable. I was always attracted to artistic, complicated, broken guys - the 'injured pigeon' syndrome. I was always trying to find my happiness through my partner. Then I was in a relationshiip with yet another arty, unstable type. He also had problems with drugs. it was such a difficult, very difficult relationship. different man, but almost exactly the same scenario. I felt desperate. I was so miserable.
Then on day, i was walking down the street with him. On the other side of the street, i saw my ex husband! I just felt that was gohonzon telling me, "what the hell are you doing? Wake up Reiko! You're with exactly the same guy!" Then my life really changed because i realised what I DID NOT WANT anymore.
I remember chanting in tears desperately, asking angrily to my gohonzon: "why are you giving me these wrong guys? they are draining me. They drain my energy, drain my soul. Please stop, so i can put all my energy into kosen rufu instead." This is the vow i made: "I have no time and energy to waste on destructive relationships - instead i need a nurturing relationship that allows me to focus my energies on my happiness and the happiness of others." I really meant it. i knew i had so much to offer, but my focus in life wasnt right.
Also i realized that i attracted the wrong men because my attitude towards life was wrong. My boyfriends mistreated me because i mistreated myself by not respecting myself. It wasnt them after all; it was ME, MYSELF, and I!. I felt very happy. I was no longer seeking happiness in a relationship! I felt confident, i had no fear of not having a boyfriend and, for the first time, stopped looking for one! Afterall, i didnt want 'any' boyfriend. Instead, i wanted a life partner, and I knew he was coming my way sosoner or later. I had this immense confidence, so it no longer mattered WHEN this man would appear. for the first itme, i felt strong and happy with myself! Hooray!
The ending: after her change in attitude, she soon met a nice and sweet man (her next door neighbour) who respects and loves her. she said" I couldnt believe he would appear so soon. and someone so close to me! he was right next door! i really felt that the depth of prayer is beyond time and space. She is now married and has two lovely children.
such a powerful life story.
cheers
lydia
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